My Deep Dark Secret
by Quaxo
Summary: JD, you said you'd love me no matter what, JD -- you gotta calm down.


_He'd given her the pills even though he knew better. She was only supposed to have one pill a day –she's already had it – she's not supposed to drink when she takes them – she's completely shit faced. _

_He gave her three more pills and told her he hoped she choked._

_He got his wish._

_He'd found her later lying in the hallway, feebly trying to pull herself out of her own vomit. He knew from the CPR course he'd had to take to become a lifeguard that he needed to turn her onto her side, to prevent her from choking as she continued to be sick all over herself._

_He'd watched her instead, watched as her body struggled to live – watched as she'd died and had done nothing._

_Once he'd been sure of her passing, he'd gone back to bed and waited for someone else to discover her. Unfortunately it was his sister._

_His first kill can be dismissed as neglect – her own weakness had been the chief culprit in her death – he'd only been guilty of not acting when he'd realized the situation was dire. _

_His second kill can only be defined as murder._

_He'd made sure that Paige had an away-game the weekend he set his plan into action. She didn't need to be there for this one. _

_He had staged the "intervention" in order to have the most public impact – He smashed the bottles of liquor and dumped the beer in the gutter in front of the house, made sure it was a big enough spectacle that all the neighbors knew._

_If they hadn't heard the smashing glass then the beating his father had given him on the front lawn had surely caught their notice. He'd let the blows fall as they may – he'd hardly felt them because he'd been certain that this was the last time the old bastard would touch him._

_He was right._

_His father's vice had been renowned. No one had been surprised when the old man had finally done himself in drinking wiper fluid. _

_He'd been careful in how he set the scene – replaced the bottle of vodka with the empty bottle of windshield fluid once the bastard had finally died twenty-four hours later._

_Old bastard had bitched and bitched that his last bottle of vodka miraculously spared from destruction tasted funny – didn't stop him from drinking it though._

"JD – JD?"

He can see Perry sitting up in the bed, silhouetted in the starlight from their window.

He tries to think of all the lives that this man has saved as a doctor – thousands probably – but his mind is stuck on those first two deaths. He'd just _watched_ –

"I can't do this."

***///***///***

Breaking up with someone was hard – especially when they were also your coworker that you had to see every day, your boss that you had to answer, and let's not forget a stone cold murderer with a body count and you know his secret.

He's not been able to sleep more than a few hours a night all week.

Perry's watching him now – subtle glances from the sides that dart away as soon as he glances back. _Just like he watched his parents –_

He transfers to the night shift to try and avoid him as much as possible – but Perry works into the late hours so even then he can't avoid him completely.

He knows the man's a murderer – and Perry has no reassurance from him that he's not going tell anyone – he knows he's living on borrowed time.

He washes down another caffeine pill with gulp of stale coffee and makes notes on the patient chart in front of him unconsciously.

Perry's haunting the floor tonight – _supposedly _one of his patients is ill – but the patient is sleeping peacefully now and Perry doesn't really need to be there anymore.

He just needs to play it cool – He's sent out his applications to other hospitals far far away from here (what else was he going to do when he couldn't sleep). He just needs to make it out of here alive.

Then he can think about what he's going to do with this information. He should go to the police – but it was a long time ago and he has no proof. Some small part of him still cares for Perry – doesn't want to see him hurt –

Except what he did was _wrong_ – He _**murdered**_ his parents…

His chest feels tight and suddenly it's hard to breathe – he glances over to the side to see Perry staring at him about to dispose of a needle in the biohazard bin –

Did he feel a prick? He felt a prick, he had too – his chest grows tighter and no matter how hard he tries to force his lungs to fill with air nothing seems to be going in –

The edges of his vision darken as he slumps to the ground.

Perry's weapon of choice was always poison – be they chemical or verbal – he's totally screwed.

***///***///***

When he comes to he's in one of the private ICU rooms – the beat of his pulse being traced out by the heart monitor in soft little beeps. It's early in the morning, judging from the light starting to filter in from the windows.

He survived – for now, he'll have to tell the nurses to test his potassium levels immediately – it's the only thing that explains the sudden heart palpitations –

He hears more than feels his heart rate skyrocket when the door opens and is quickly shut and locked. He watches, frozen with fear as Perry closes the blinds to the room. He's at the man's mercy now – his first attempt at killing him failed, but now he's weakened and completely helpless now.

"JD you need to calm down, you're going to send yourself into another arrest," Perry says in a soft, stern voice, reaching over the bed and silencing the heart monitor.

He desperately reaches for the call button on the side of the bed – but Perry grabs it first, glaring at him.

"JD, you're going to kill yourself if you don't calm down."

"Pissed that you're not going to get to do it yourself," He snaps, making another grab for the call button before falling back on the bed exhausted. His chest _aches_ and he's not going to give Perry the satisfaction of being right once again.

The wounded look Perry gives him almost has him questioning himself – except the man _**murdered**_ his parents in cold blood. Stood by while they died and did nothing to help them – worse, deliberately created a situation where they would kill themselves.

"They were bad people, JD. Terrible people – and I was a stupid teenager, a stupid desperate teenager – I didn't think I had any other options –"

"Lots of kids have shit lives –" He manages to choke out, an unseen vice squeezing his ribs to the breaking point. "They don't kill their parents – "

"I'm not sorry I did it – now calm down – JD, calm down – You've done serious damage to your heart with those caffeine pills –"

"… more like the potassium you gave me…" His head's growing lighter, floating away even as his chest feels like it's about to explode.

"JD, I didn't _give_ you anything," Perry says in a desperate tone that he almost believes. "I don't _do_ that anymore – please, you said you'd love me no matter what, please JD – you need to calm down. Nurse, I need a sedative and the crash cart!"

"…not gonna getta way wid it…"

He slips into the blackness for the last time.


End file.
